IGCSE writing to describe

So-and-so’s friend, a girl in her teens, is babysitting for a family in Newport Beach, California. The family is wealthy and has a very large gated mansion— you know the sort, with endless areas of land, with a very prestigious manicured garden and with a ridiculous amount of rooms. Anyway, the parents are going out for a late dinner/movie. The father tells the babysitter that once the children are in bed she should go into this specific room he doesn’t really want her wandering around the house and watch TV there.

Although it’s the smallest room in the house, the interior furniture and design costed more than her entire house. A luxurious leather sofa, a huge LED 46 inch TV which is hung on the wall. A huge diamond lamp shade was hanging of the roof glistening causing and almost blinding sight. Huge triple glazed windows on the other side of the room and just above a chest of draws, a huge mirror which took up most of the wall it was hanging on. She was amazed, she had never seen a room as nice as this before.

The parents take off, soon after she gets the kids into their pyjamas and gets them in to bed, she goes to the room to watch TV. She gets comfy on the sofa. She puts on the TV and starts to watch her favourite series when all of a sudden, she is disturbed by a clown statue in the corner of the room.

She never noticed this clown before. This clown had a painted white face with a huge, petrifying smile painted on his face with a red the shade of blood. It looked as if it’s eyes were looking at her with a deadly stare which made her heart start to race. She tries to ignore it for as long as possible, but it starts freaking her out so much she starts shaking vigorously.

She already had a phobia of clowns from a very young age. On her sixth birthday, her parents hired a clown as entertainment for her and her friends but as soon as she saw the clown, she broke down in tears. She was petrified. Since that moment she has always hated clowns.

She resorts to calling the father and asks, “Hey, the kids are in bed, but is it okay if I switch rooms? This clown statue is really creeping me out.”

The father says seriously, “Get the kids, go next door and call 911.”

She asks, “What’s going on?”

He responds, “Just go next door and once you call the police, call me back.”

She gets the kids out of bed, puts their coats on over their pyjamas and sprinted outside the door. She takes them next door, and calls the police.

When the police are on the way, she calls the father back and asks him what’s going on.

He explains that they don’t have a clown statue. At this point, she can hear the father sounded terrified over the phone and he was panting running to the car trying to get back to the house. He then further explains that the children have been complaining about a clown watching them as they sleep. He and his wife had just blown it off, assuming that they were having nightmares.

The police arrive and go in to search the house. After a good half hour or so, they came out but their was no clown.

“We searched the whole house and we can assure you there is no clown inside”

Even with the reassurance from the police, she knew there was something there she knew that she was being watched by someone.

“I’m sorry, we searched the whole house but couldn’t find anything, no bit of the house was not investigated”

Soon after the parents turned up and spoke to the police officer in charge, they asked her to go get the kids ready to go back inside. As she is putting there coats on for them, she gets up to get her coat. She froze. The clown was outside the window facing the house. He turns round and spots her staring at him. He stared back at her with a pensive stare, but to her surprise he walked on heading down the road. To this day the clown has never been found.


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One response to “IGCSE writing to describe”

  1. Ms Pinto Avatar
    Ms Pinto

    Hi Anas,

    I really like the opening paragraph and the description of the clown.

    1. You need to cut down the dialogue in this piece.
    2. You need to look at your paragraph and indicate where are new idea, event or turn in the piece is in a new paragraph.
    3. There are part that are described well with good choices in language but there are part where I feel that you are just telling the reader what is happening and it sounds too matter of fact or clinical. The fear, tension and suspense felt by the protagonist needs to build as the events are described.

React!